So, last week there was a great tragedy in Colorado at the midnight showing of The Dark Knight Returns. At this point I am pretty sure most people know what happened. The whole situation is extremely upsetting even for people that are in no way connected to the shooting or the victims.
The part of the story making the rounds right now, now that people have absorbed the horror of what happened, is upsetting but for an entirely different reason. The story I am talking about is the man that left his baby on the floor with his girlfriend and left the cineplex in his car. Honestly, I am appalled at the hate this man is getting on the internet, from people that don't know him, have never met him, and have never been in a shooting.
I would like to know how many of the people that are hating on this man for his actions have been in a shooting? Or even in a real life and death situation?
I will share two stories, well sort of three, but you get the idea.
First when I was about 6 or 7 years old I was helping my mom take care of Christmas ornaments. While we were digging through a box a mouse popped out, just your normal field mouse, but she freaked out and ran out onto the porch shouting for my stepfather. I was left on the back of the couch in terror (which I find silly now because it was just a field mouse). A second incident happened when I was about 12. There was a bat in the house and again my mom freaked out and locked herself in a bedroom leaving me screeching on the floor in the fetal position.
Now, I realize obviously that a mouse and a bat aren't anywhere NEAR the same level of terror that a shooting would be, but that is how my mom responds in situations of high stress like that. When fight or flight takes over, she is a flight. Does it make her a bad parent that she didn't make sure I was safe from these little creatures? Of course not! It isn't her fault that is how she is hardwired to work. Instinct kicks in and there is no chance to rationalize the situation.
The second story happened when I was about 15 or 16 years old. I was a passenger in a car that was going far too fast for road conditions and we got into a wreck. A one car wreck. Myself and 2 other teenage girls were in this car. They freaked out, I stayed calm and helped get things under control thanks to the help of a passing vehicle that had a cell phone. I stood outside the van, looking at the damage more than 10 or 15 minutes after it all happened and realized the roof was crushed in places. Once I knew we were safe my mind started to replay what had happened and I realized only then, more than 15 minutes after it all happened, that we had rolled the van at about 70 mph. My eyes were open the entire time we rolled but it happened so fast it took awhile to actually register what had happened. Again, this isn't anywhere near as intense as shooting in a movie theatre but it was definitely a flight or fight moment, and that is how instinct had me handle it. Get to a part where I was safe and then reply the events that had happened and try to process them. As a result of this crash I still refuse to be a passenger in a car during a snowstorm and I am 27 now.
My point with this stories is this, until you know how you will react in the exact same situation, don't bash on this poor man, that in case you all forgot, was ALSO there for the shooting. To say "I would never leave my kid" is ridiculous unless you have BEEN there and actually gone through it. It is not out of the realm of possibility for you to react this exact way.
Would it make any difference if he was a war vet that suffered from PTSD? What if he had some other mental illness or significant trauma in his life? You don't know him, you don't know what he has been through in his life. I learned from my (comparatively mild) experience that when that instinct takes over you have NO control. None. It is completely possible for him to have left the theatre and driven away before he even realized what had happened. I went through at least a 15 minute delay before I registered, it is completely possible he did too.
So while you sit around judging this man for his actions and likely making him feel worse than he no doubt already does, ask yourself if you would like to be remembered as the person who's instinct took over in what society deemed a "cowardly" way….for the rest of your life? On top of dealing with that guilt all on your own while trying to cope with being part of such a huge tragedy.
I wasn't there. I have no idea how it all went down. I have never been shot at. I know, for a fact, I can't be sure how I would have reacted. Neither can you.
Monday, July 23, 2012
Monday, February 27, 2012
Skinny People
After the Oscars last night there has been a lot on the internet about how thin Angelina Jolie appears to be. There have been speculations that she is starving herself to raise awareness for poor countries where children don't eat. There have been speculations that she is suffering from some horrible illness. There have been speculations that she is anorexic/bulimic. There are people saying the dress just wasn't flattering and she is the same as she usually is.
I was just going to leave it alone entirely and ignore the whole thing. Then I saw a thread on an online message board about a person that saw someone they deemed "anorexic" at the gym, doing cardio for hours. He wanted to know how to say something to her (or if he should). Responses varied but of course hitting on her and getting her banned from the gym (really?) came up.
Okay, fine. That is normal-ish for that site anyway. I was just going to ignore that too. Then I was reading facebook, as I do all too often, and something popped up from Old Navy advertising their jeans. It was their jeans made for "pear-shaped" women and the first comment on this ad? It was of course a woman asking for a plus sized model for these pants so she could see what they "actually" looked like, implying of course that the model was too thin to be showing pants made for pear-shaped. There were various other comments but most of them centered around this model being a "stick" or "too thin" or not the proper body for this type of pant.
I admit, that was my breaking point. As a size 4 (US) that model was roughly my size, maybe even a size 6. She had hips and thighs. She was an "average" size person. I know full well someone can be pear-shaped without being a size 16 or 18 or 46 or whatever.
The reason this all gets to me is because of the new trend of "skinny-bashing". Why is it okay to talk about Angelina as being too skinny/unhealthy/sickly/creepy/etc because she is thin? Maybe she DOES have an eating disorder. Maybe she IS suffering from an illness. Why should she have to explain what is going on with HER body? Why is it okay for all these people to hate on her just because she is thin? If her acting was crappy, sure, whatever, her acting is a matter of opinion. Her body shape is a matter of fact.
With the person that saw the "anorexic" at the gym, why should he feel compelled to say ANYTHING to her? Why does it affect him that she likes her cardio? Maybe she is ill as well, or suffering from an ED. Maybe she is just naturally thin. Maybe she is training for a marathon or something of that nature. The point is, how does it affect a stranger at the gym? If I went to McDs every day and every day I saw a 600 pound woman with everything from the dollar menu in front of me, would it be okay for me to confront her on that? Would it be okay for me to call her fat or to berate her? Would it be acceptable for me to go up to the manager at the restaurant and get her banned from McDs for eating too much? No, of course it wouldn't be okay. I can't even imagine the reaction I would get if I did that, but I know it wouldn't go well.
What I can't understand is why so many people feel so entitled to care about another person's appearance? You have your own body. Do with it as you please. If you want to run for 10 hours a day and are prepared to handle the consequences, by all means, go for it. If you want to eat 15 cheeseburgers a day and are prepared to handle those consequences, by all means, order up. Why does it matter to *YOU* how *ANOTHER PERSON* looks or what they choose to do to his/her body?
Now I have heard that it matters because there are too many thin people in the media. That is causing teens to become anorexic or have issues with body-image. Okay, fine, I have heard that too. I haven't seen any data on it or done any research so I can't speak to that or how to fix it. I *CAN* tell you that the way to fix it isn't to bash thin people just like I don't advocate bashing overweight people as a manner to handle the obesity crisis the US is dealing with.
Mind your words people. Calling someone "skinny" or a "stick" isn't a compliment, in some cases it is downright hurtful. Better choices are "looking well" or "gee you look great!" if you feel like you REALLY need to comment on appearance.
I was just going to leave it alone entirely and ignore the whole thing. Then I saw a thread on an online message board about a person that saw someone they deemed "anorexic" at the gym, doing cardio for hours. He wanted to know how to say something to her (or if he should). Responses varied but of course hitting on her and getting her banned from the gym (really?) came up.
Okay, fine. That is normal-ish for that site anyway. I was just going to ignore that too. Then I was reading facebook, as I do all too often, and something popped up from Old Navy advertising their jeans. It was their jeans made for "pear-shaped" women and the first comment on this ad? It was of course a woman asking for a plus sized model for these pants so she could see what they "actually" looked like, implying of course that the model was too thin to be showing pants made for pear-shaped. There were various other comments but most of them centered around this model being a "stick" or "too thin" or not the proper body for this type of pant.
I admit, that was my breaking point. As a size 4 (US) that model was roughly my size, maybe even a size 6. She had hips and thighs. She was an "average" size person. I know full well someone can be pear-shaped without being a size 16 or 18 or 46 or whatever.
The reason this all gets to me is because of the new trend of "skinny-bashing". Why is it okay to talk about Angelina as being too skinny/unhealthy/sickly/creepy/etc because she is thin? Maybe she DOES have an eating disorder. Maybe she IS suffering from an illness. Why should she have to explain what is going on with HER body? Why is it okay for all these people to hate on her just because she is thin? If her acting was crappy, sure, whatever, her acting is a matter of opinion. Her body shape is a matter of fact.
With the person that saw the "anorexic" at the gym, why should he feel compelled to say ANYTHING to her? Why does it affect him that she likes her cardio? Maybe she is ill as well, or suffering from an ED. Maybe she is just naturally thin. Maybe she is training for a marathon or something of that nature. The point is, how does it affect a stranger at the gym? If I went to McDs every day and every day I saw a 600 pound woman with everything from the dollar menu in front of me, would it be okay for me to confront her on that? Would it be okay for me to call her fat or to berate her? Would it be acceptable for me to go up to the manager at the restaurant and get her banned from McDs for eating too much? No, of course it wouldn't be okay. I can't even imagine the reaction I would get if I did that, but I know it wouldn't go well.
What I can't understand is why so many people feel so entitled to care about another person's appearance? You have your own body. Do with it as you please. If you want to run for 10 hours a day and are prepared to handle the consequences, by all means, go for it. If you want to eat 15 cheeseburgers a day and are prepared to handle those consequences, by all means, order up. Why does it matter to *YOU* how *ANOTHER PERSON* looks or what they choose to do to his/her body?
Now I have heard that it matters because there are too many thin people in the media. That is causing teens to become anorexic or have issues with body-image. Okay, fine, I have heard that too. I haven't seen any data on it or done any research so I can't speak to that or how to fix it. I *CAN* tell you that the way to fix it isn't to bash thin people just like I don't advocate bashing overweight people as a manner to handle the obesity crisis the US is dealing with.
Mind your words people. Calling someone "skinny" or a "stick" isn't a compliment, in some cases it is downright hurtful. Better choices are "looking well" or "gee you look great!" if you feel like you REALLY need to comment on appearance.
Monday, January 16, 2012
Cold Weather & Homelessness
Today when I got up it was -10 degrees outside. Fahrenheit. By my calculations that is about -23C for you North of the border. For those that have never experienced this kind of cold I can try to describe it for you. You get instant goosebumps over your whole body. The first breath you take in via nostrils freezes your nose hairs on contact. Any exposed bits of skin start out painfully cold and then go numb. You shiver, even in a down coat, because your legs and head are still losing heat at rapid rates. Even going to the mailbox requires a hat, good shoes, and a heavy coat. It isn't fun. Yes, it could be worse, some areas get even cold than this, but it is still not pleasant.
I woke today very thankful for my warm home with blankets and sweaters and the ability to pay the oil bill. Not everyone has these things. I am afraid I know this all too well as about 10 years ago I technically was homeless. Now even by homeless standards I was extremely lucky (though I didn't really know it at the time). I still had a warm bed to sleep in and I was only out in the cold for 2-3 hours a day instead of others that were out for entire days minus whatever time they could be in the mall or a store.
The month I was homeless it never got above 0 degrees in town. Not once the entire month. It was bitterly, horribly cold. It is on days like today that I really feel guilty for thinking I had it "bad" back then. It was "easy" for me. I was warm more often than not, I had a warm coat and decent shoes, I even think I had gloves (I can't remember). There are so many out there now without even a proper coat. In -10 degree weather.
So my little PSA today is go through your closets. Go through your drawers. Check your linen closets. Know if there are extra mittens, gloves, hats, blankets, jackets, sweaters, or socks (a highly sought after item), there are homeless shelters in your area that would find very good homes for these items. If you don't know of a shelter offhand a quick google search will likely bring up matches. They would help keep someone warm when they haven't got a warm bed or a pillow. In some cases they may even be a pillow as spring comes around. Winter is an excellent time to clean out the closets since most people are "stuck" inside anyway, while you are there please think of those that aren't.
I woke today very thankful for my warm home with blankets and sweaters and the ability to pay the oil bill. Not everyone has these things. I am afraid I know this all too well as about 10 years ago I technically was homeless. Now even by homeless standards I was extremely lucky (though I didn't really know it at the time). I still had a warm bed to sleep in and I was only out in the cold for 2-3 hours a day instead of others that were out for entire days minus whatever time they could be in the mall or a store.
The month I was homeless it never got above 0 degrees in town. Not once the entire month. It was bitterly, horribly cold. It is on days like today that I really feel guilty for thinking I had it "bad" back then. It was "easy" for me. I was warm more often than not, I had a warm coat and decent shoes, I even think I had gloves (I can't remember). There are so many out there now without even a proper coat. In -10 degree weather.
So my little PSA today is go through your closets. Go through your drawers. Check your linen closets. Know if there are extra mittens, gloves, hats, blankets, jackets, sweaters, or socks (a highly sought after item), there are homeless shelters in your area that would find very good homes for these items. If you don't know of a shelter offhand a quick google search will likely bring up matches. They would help keep someone warm when they haven't got a warm bed or a pillow. In some cases they may even be a pillow as spring comes around. Winter is an excellent time to clean out the closets since most people are "stuck" inside anyway, while you are there please think of those that aren't.
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