Fathers Day

Yes, I am a bit late. We had a busy weekend here so I didn't get a chance to sit down and write anything up though I was thinking about it a good portion of the weekend.

Father's Day is an interesting one for me. I never really "met" my biological father. He was around until I was about 2 but I have no memory of any of that so it doesn't really count. I found out that he died not terribly long ago from a heart attack at the age of like 53. I feel like that is supposed to matter to me more, but it doesn't. I never knew him so it doesn't make much difference to me, other than to know that genetically, I need to acquire/maintain health because he had a bad heart.

Then there is my step-father R. I wasn't ever a big fan of him though I didn't fully realize it until after the fact. He was difficult to live with, very moody, very stubborn and there was a lot of walking on eggshells. He was very entitled and very centered around himself. He was also very judgmental, racist, and a huge bigot.

I say "was" not because he also died, but because I haven't seen him since my parents divorced when I was 17, I am now nearly 27. He tried a few times to "buy" me back with money and gift cards but when he didn't get the "proper" response he gave up quite quickly.

It sounds like I could easily be bitter or mad at him doesn't it? What is interesting to me is that I am not. Now, I don't want any contact with him and I am not interested in having him in my life at all, but I am not angry with him either.

I learned a lot of valuable lessons from the 14 years that I had to spend with him. I learned how to deal with people I don't want to be around...how to "play nice" if you will. I learned how to identify manipulation and guilt trips (two of my least favorite things ever). I learned how to be a pretty good judge of character. I also learned how to read people pretty quickly as it was a day to day battle to figure out if he was happy/angry/grouchy/full out mad etc. Being able to read people's emotions is a VERY useful skill to have for day to day life and is one I have used countless times even in the last week.

Like I said, it would be easy to be resent him, but what good would that do? Plus look at all the skills I have taken away from the whole experience.

Now I have a wonderful husband and two lovely (and crazy) kids so Father's Day is a little bit different. Of course my husband really doesn't like most holidays so we don't do anything special, but it is a great reminder to me of how happy I am that my children have such a great father. He might not always do things the way I think he should but he does things the way that works for him and LOVES those kids with all his being. It is a wonderful feeling.