I haven't seen my black and white cat, M, since we got the dog in July. She has been on my bed upstairs or in her "room" with the litterbox/food as far away from the dog as possible. If the dog had been in its crate for a lengthy time the cat would eventually make her way downstairs, but she was extremely unhappy.
Then last weekend the dog decided it would try to bite Mr. A. Now, she didn't do much damage, just a scratch from her teeth, but she was NOT happy with Aaron and he was only doing something he had done 100 times before with zero issues, she had even enjoyed it. The "damage" wasn't serious.
I gotta say, that spooked me and totally knocked my trust in her. I was not happy about it. I was also really unhappy that there was no warning. There was no growl first, there was no lip raising, there was no shifty eyes, it was GROWLbite. Scared the shit out of Mr. A.
I am sure it was probably just a case of her knowing that she wasn't top of the pack over myself, my husband, or my daughter, but because my son played with her etc she saw him more on his level and decided she would try to assert herself, maybe coupled with feeling "trapped" in some form. However, I also know that had she been a big dog like a shepherd or a husky or something she would have been in a new home lickety split.
Now, I love the dog. She has always been a great animal. I hmm'ed and hawww'ed for several days but ended up placing her in another home. After considering not only the actions with my son but how extremely unhappy my cat of 5 years was I opted to find her a new home. She now lives with a retired couple in the country. She will go everywhere with the man (he is disabled) and she has another dog in the house that is her size to play with, and they are getting along wonderfully.
I talked with the kids before she went to her new home. Ms.I didn't care at all (not that I expected her to) and Mr. A was mostly upset because he thought maybe I was going to find *him* a new home. I explained to him that he was with Mama and Mama would never, ever find him a new home. I had them both give the dog hugs and kisses and tell her goodbye before she left.
The whole situation has been very difficult for me. I worked for an animal shelter before I had kids. I know that when you adopt a pet it is suppose to be "forever". The guilt that I felt while considering finding her a new home was all consuming. It went against everything I have thought for years. However, I knew in my heart, in my gut, that it would be better for all (including the dog) if she went to a new home.
I am very glad she found as good a home as she did though. She will be the center of attention and get to go on lots of car rides and play all day with the other dog. We miss her but it helps to know she is probably happier where she is now.
You remember that cat I mentioned at the start? As *soon* as the dog left, not 10 minutes later, not 5 minutes later, as SOON as it was gone....down came the cat.
Here is said gloating cat from this afternoon. She is quite happy to have "her" house back and to be part of the family again.
I didn't know all that had happened! I bet that was really hard. I'm sorry.
ReplyDeleteSomething I thought about while I was reading your post is that we tend to make if then statements and fill in our own conclusion. For example, "If someone finds a new home for a pet they recently adopted, then they must not be responsible." When in fact, you were doing the most responsible thing by finding a place for the dog where she could have a great life, keeping your son safe, and allowing your other pet to fully live in her house again. Or, "If someone does x, then y ensues."
I had a lot of those predetermined if then statements up until about 2-3 years ago. Since then, my view of the world has been slowly changing. It's been amazing, and I'm so glad it has happened, but it's also been hard. It's easy to assume "If x, then y." It's a lot harder to find out that "If x, then y, but maybe a little c with a side of q also. Oh, and don't forget the z." Black and white is easy, but it often neglects the majority of the human experience.
I know you were talking about your pets, but it really hit a deeper note for me.
Thanks!
Yea I think 2 other people knew it was going on. I internalize a lot with things I am afraid of being judged about.
ReplyDeleteI totally understand what you are saying with the rest as well. There are some aspects of my life where I can apply things like that, such as with childbirth and choosing to nurse etc. Then there are some areas where I still worry, such as being judged as a horrible, irresponsible pet-parent.
I hope I can learn to spread your theory into the rest of my life.
Thank you for your post.